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The Buffoon And The Valedictorian
Adam Sandler Song Lyrics




And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian.

(Valedictorian:) I really appreciate you're asking me out.
Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement.

(Buffoon:) This movie sucks shit!

(Valedictorian:) Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up,
but Ciscel thought it was too preachy.
Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly.

(Buffoon:) Cathleen Turner has big fuckin' tits!

(Valedictorian:) Yes, well, she recently had a child.
I think her maternal biology may play a role in that.
She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?

(Buffoon:) I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fuckin' head off.

(Valedictorian:) Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon
for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process.

(Buffoon:) That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives everybody head.

(Valedictorian:) Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it.

(Buffoon eating popcorn)
(Buffoon:) This popcorn's fuckin' terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed all over it.
(Buffoon continues to eat popcorn)

(Valedictorian:) Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly disturbing.
Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome
by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank.

(Buffoon:) I looked at my asshole in the mirror today. It blew my fuckin' mind!

(Valedictorian:) It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd
and unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis.

(Buffoon:) My father's shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin' day!

(Valedictorian:) It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's.
I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolism.

(Buffoon:) I'm gonna go get head from that fuckin' girl.
(Gets out of the car)

(Valedictorian:) Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt conclusion.
(Buffoon walking away)
I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rondevue.

(Buffoon:) I like to piss in that guy's fuckin' gas tank!

(Valedictorian:) Bye bye! Have fun.
(Buffoon continues to walk away)



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